four years...

Dear Dad,

I can hardly believe it's been four years since you left us. Four years I haven't been able to talk to you. To hear your voice or hold your hand. And yet, the last day of your being, four years a go, still seems like it was yesterday. I still remember the sound of your voice and the feel of your hand. I don't know if that memory of your parent ever goes away.

Sometimes I feel like I live in a different world... Like this one I'm living is a dream. That you are really here, but I have this perpetual bad dream that you died. Unfortunately, this is not the case, which when I have that strange realization, makes me want to fall apart in tears. I miss you so much.

Today, Dad, I am working hard to share memories with my girls. Listen to songs that remind me of you. Tell them stories. Show them pictures. You are their Grandpa Kern and they recognize your pictures, even though they've never met you. Hadley has offered to tape you back together and go swimming to look for you with the fishies. I think she might think you live with the Little Mermaid, but that's a fun thought for a little person to have.

I love you so much dad. I wish you were here.

Love,
me