Motherhood is hard. Period.
I'm certainly not suggesting that I don't want to be a mom or don't absolutely love being a mom. My girls are my everything. My whole world. I am invincible because of them. I'm just saying, as my fellow bloggers much more eloquently put it, that motherhood is different than I imagined.
What do I mean by this?
I anticipated spit-up covered clothing. Pureed food in my hair. Kid stickers on my sleeve. Goldfish crackers, raisins, juice boxes and bottles replacing my fancy cheeses and wine of my kidless years. Laundry madness.
All of this I expected.
What I didn't anticipate is how much of a softy I really am. Training and disciplining is harder than I ever imagined. Listening to my child cry herself to sleep, feeling like a bad mom, even though I know its the best thing for her. Putting my toddler on a time out for misbehaving and feeling like she thinks I don't love her.
I didn't expect that I would have moments when I would feel inadequate as a mother, a friend and a partner. I didn't anticipate that I would feel so unproductive with simple day to day tasks because the process of diapering, feeding, nursing and bathing ate up my whole day, exasperating my feelings of being inadequate.
And I never thought that I could function with the level of exhaustion I get to, which is likely the cause of all these feelings, I would guess, in most moms.
But, when I take a minute to appreciate those special moments with my girls. The moments when Hadley is singing to Hayden. Or when we are all snuggled up on the couch. Or Hadley strings together a whole sentence in response to a questio. These are the moments that remind me about what I did imagine motherhood to be. While they don't make the sleep training and disciplining any easier, or the utter exhaustion go away, these are the moments that remind me that I am a good mom. These are the moments I hoped for when entering into parenthood.
More over, despite all this, raising children is the most important, most rewarding adventure I have embarked on. But, still the hardest thing I've ever done.
What do I wish for? For understanding and compassion. For moms partners to try to understand this other side, somewhat darker side, that lots of moms with babies go through. As Blair of www.theheirtoblair.com put it... "Its not 24/7 picnics and skipping and lollipops and unicorns." But, also know that our babies are the most miraculous, wonderful things that happened to us.
-- Post From My iPad
Thank you for sharing; very insightful and passionate, Mom. You have very lucky girls :)
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