nursing pad fun

Hadley climbed into the bed with me this morning.  Promptly put her hand down my shirt to make sure my boobs were still there and pulled out my nursing pad.  Which was soaked.  Need to be sure to monitor that one in public because that could be really embarrassing.

On a happier note, with some settle first with a few drags off of a bottle, Hayden's last two feeds during the night were on the boob.  I slept really well for the first time in days!  I hope we are turning a corner here.  I did give her a bottle this morning to tank her up, which I am just fine doing.  I just want her to take from the tap also!

frustration

It's official... I've hit that third week frustration.  I remember it well with Hadley... The tears. Threats to throw in the towel on nursing. Feelings of being a bad mommy.  But I also remember things suddenly getting better, and I hope that is the same case.

Hayden and I are on and off with nursing success.  The nipple shield is working.  But the supplemental nursing system I paid $35 for is proving to be more trouble than it's worth (and I doubt they will take it back after it has been pressed against my boob).  

But our biggest challenge is finding the right timing.  Between a curious big sister and her activities, a house with no doors that latch or lock properly, it is almost impossible to find alone time with the babe to relax and try to nurse properly.  Instead, I find myself with a very angry newborn, boobs leaking to my knees, Hadley hanging on to my legs and me in tears, trying to heat a bottle of breast milk to soothe Hayden.  Frustrating is the only word I can think of.

Tonight, Jonathan and I decided that I need to take Hayden to a hotel and nurse. And nurse. And nurse. And nurse.  I hope it's a success. And I hope this family, as a whole, gets some good sleep tonight.  We are all a little rough around the edges.

keep your comments to yourself

The day before Easter I decided to get my act together and do a little Easter egg hunt in the backyard for Hadley.  So my mom and I packed up the girls and headed to the San Clemente Walmart, where I don't particularly like to shop, but the nearest target is 10 or so miles a way, so the Walmart had to do.  Fortunately, it is a nice Walmart.

We popped Hadley in the shopping cart and my mom carried baby Hayden as we navigated the pre-Easter crowds who clearly had the same idea we had and put it off to the last minute. While we were in the Easter aisle, my mom bumped into a neighbor and was showing off the baby, who at the time was eight days old.  

A Walmart employee stopped me to inquire about how old the baby was...  I was expecting the typical "Oh, how sweet." But instead she said "I would never take my eight day old to Walmart," and she huffed away.  It took a minute for the comment to register.  And while I get what she was saying, it wasn't like I was laying my baby in the bottom of a filthy shopping cart. AND, I've never been one to overly worry about germs as she is equipped with those wonderful breast milk antibodies and, bottom line, kids are going to be exposed to germs and it makes them healthier in the big picture to let their systems become immune.

While my postpartum head was still reeling over the dig, my mother comes around the corner and says "A woman just told me I was holding the baby wrong."  I looked at the baby and she was just fine.  Head supported. Breathing. Sleeping happily.  This baby was perfectly content.  And my mother, who raised two babies herself, certainly knows how to hold one.  In fact, she is like a Harlem Globe Trotter with babies...  Just a pro!

I am all for giving my two cents on babies when I am asked for it.  But far be it from me to say something to a perfect stranger... Unless of course that person is hanging a newborn upside down by it's feet. I was shocked at the comments. And while those sorts of things don't normally bother me, my hormones were starting to let them get the better of me.

So maybe this is a lesson to people...  Don't cross a newly postpartum mama! Her body is changing sizes. Her nipples are leaking. Breasts are engorged. Bleeding. She is exhausted. And she is not going to put up with your digs!

and then there were four...

We welcomed our new little girl, Hayden Alexandra, on Thursday March 26th at 5:05 p.m.  At 37 weeks and 3 days, Hayden weighed in at 7 pounds and measured 20 inches.  She is beautiful. Looking more like her mama, with glimpses of her big sister.  

I can't describe the feeling of love that overwhelms me...  My heart feels complete.  

mental telepathy

I'm mentally willing my cervix to dilate.  

clumsy, messy me

Why is it that I am more clumsy and messy while pregnant?  

How is it that I managed to get peanut butter on my t-shirt yesterday morning?  Or Hadley's dinner of pasta and marinara on one of the few nicer shirts that span my girth?  

Oh, and how did I manage to cook this beautiful pot roast with fresh vegetables and dump all of the left overs on the floor last night?

What is it that happens to us pregnant chicks?

cornucopia

A cornucopia of late pregnancy fun:

* Lower back spasms

* Resorting to rolling out of bed

* Need assistance getting off the couch, or will need to roll off couch onto all fours in front of company

* Hemorrhoids (note: ice them, it works!)

* Cute little dance to put on underwear and pants

* Heart burn

* Belly button pop

* Sleepless nights

* Sausage like fingers and toes by the end of the day

* Not able to bend over, having actually left things behind that I dropped on floor because of inability to pick it up

* Bladder control, or should I say, lack there of

The outcome makes it all worth it! I will soon have two, beautiful, healthy, happy little girls.

(But, for the moment, I am taking my "uncomfortable mommy" liberties and complaining)

preeclampsia scare subsided

I think our preeclampsia scare has subsided some, even though I am on close watch by the doctors. Part of the problem has been that my midwife has been out of town for the last six weeks and I have had to see other doctors at the Women's Clinic who revisit my history of preeclampsia, causing me to worry about having the condition again and my blood pressure rises.

Well, my midwife is still out of town and I saw yet another doctor this week to check my blood pressure and she was super cool! I like her more than my midwife. And I've been tracking my pressure at home, which has remained nice and low, but in the office it was sitting on the higher side of normal. This doctor finally had me lay down on my left side for ten minutes and they retook my pressure and it was really low - 110/67 low. FINALLY! Someone got to see what I see at home.

Plus the protein that I was nervous about is not really preeclamptic high, just a wee high for normal. Maybe the automatic test results that the computers email to me are not a great idea. Too much left to my imagination and googling abilities.

So, I have been told to stop exercising, which I really haven't done much of in three weeks because my hips feel like they can't hold my body up. Rest more (which all I have to say is "with an 19 month old, yah right!). Monitor my blood pressure and if it spikes to the 130/80's or higher consistently then to go into Labor and Delivery. Likely I would be put on bed rest.

Whew...

On a happier note, we finally toured the new Kaiser Hospital in Irvine where I will be delivering and it is very lovely. They do lots to support the family as a whole, however, the CDC does not let kids under 14 on the hospital floor until further notice. Miss Hadley might not be able to come to the hospital to visit mommy and baby, but hopefully we will be in and out!

P

freaking out

Recently, the doctors have taken special care with me as I have a history of mild preeclampsia with Hadley. I am 32 weeks, my blood pressure remaining in the normal range, except when I come into the office when it spikes the first read due to white coat syndrome. I normally see a midwife who understands this, but she has been out of the country for some time now and I've been forced to see other doctors, who are being extra cautious.

Last weeks appointment, my blood pressure spiked with the first read and immediately went down, well into normal levels. There was no protein in my urine. No headaches. Nothing else to show concern other than I've had preeclampsia before (which, by the way, my chances for getting again is 3%).

But the doctor was concerned... He gave me the choice of going to the hospital to be monitored for a few hours, or do lab work, a 24 hour urine collection at home and to monitor my blood pressure on my own I opted for the latter. Interestingly, he must not have been that concerned because he felt it was still OK for me to go on my trip to San Francisco for the weekend.

My labs came back and all was well within the normal range. I've been monitoring my blood pressure at home and it's been a nice normal level, more normal than what the last read at the doctors office was. BUT, I got the lab results via email about my urine proteins and according to their chart for a "normal" person, they read higher than normal.

So now here I sit stewing... Researching... Freaking myself out...

Is this number OK for a pregnant person? Or am I going to be sitting in the hospital without my baby girl, my fiance, knowing that we need to move, I have taxes to deal with, articles to write... More over, are we (the baby inside and I) going to be OK?

I guess I shouldn't have watched 19 Kids and Counting. That poor little baby was delivered at 25 weeks because mama had preeclampsia. My baby is much bigger and so far, my health seems much better.

I am just freaking out a bit... Which, by the way, doesn't help my blood pressure at all.

baby in my belly (with some Austin Powers accent)

She's moving... A LOT!

I am pretty sure she is taking her little elbow (or maybe her knee) and moving it about my tummy. I feel like I can catch and hold on to whatever appendage it is that she is doing this action with. When she does this, it shakes my whole body. Often when Jonathan and I are laying in bed watching our nightly guilty pleasures of reality television (yep, we pretty much watch it all!).

Sometimes it hurts when she moves. I never experienced this with Hadley, but this one, this one kicks me where it hurts. My lower pelvis. My bladder. My hip. OUCH!

But the pain isn't that terrible and it's OK since I know she is just busy reminding me that she is there and growing like a weed. Kaiser is having me do kick counts. I lost the card I am supposed to record them on a week or so a go, but I can honestly tell them that this baby is alive and well!

Can't wait to meet her! Nine more weeks!

bending

It's official... I can no longer bend over. Well, not without losing my breath. Or having to make a "oooommmmph" sound. Or having plumber butt. I am too pregnant to do any bending over any more until baby arrives in April.

a glimpse

baby sissy

It's official, well almost... Hadley will have a little sissy (we have successfully gotten her to say "Sissy.") We had our anatomy ultrasound today and we were informed that there were no boy parts present. In fact, we have two crotch shots proving she's a she. I am very excited! Jonathan is very excited, though I think sure his girls will be the end of him. However, he did suggest that there will be other opportunities to have a boy. I quickly reminded him of "game over" after this one.

flu shots

Today I am 15 weeks pregnant and coincidentally, had an appointment with my midwife. Babies heart beat is perfect and easily found, blood pressure is nice and low, pee shows no proteins and my weight gain is right on. Good news all around, right?

Well, I've been advised by my midwife to avoid doing anything in public that is in a contained space because of H1N1. Pregnant women are at risk for contracting this flu, but Kaiser does not yet have any supply of the vaccine to keep us well. Frightening.

I am, however, covered for the seasonal flu. As is my kid, who was such a champ when she got her shot. Not even a tear! But, the next night she was miserable and has been seemingly exhausted since. I'm giving her a few more days to snap out of it before we make a nervous mommy visit to her pediatrician. To add salt to her wound, she has to have a second seasonal flu shot in 30 days AND two H1N1 vaccines, should they ever come available. Poor kid.

morning sickness BLOWS chunks (literally and figuratively)

Am I a bad mommy? Am I a bad person? I am really not a huge fan of the pregnancy process. Obviously, I didn't despise it enough to prevent me from doing it again, but I really don't like it. And the outcome is over the top fantastic, my whole wide world. But I am not a fan of the baking of the bun...

First of all, I am told that I can't do certain things. Albeit, I already don't do most of them. Second, the constant feeling of having the tentative stomach after being in the throws of having food poisoning is not my cup of tea. I just want food to sound good again. Healthy food. Oh, and I hate feeling tired all the time. I have a 15 month old to keep up with and I hate that I resolve to recorded episodes of Yo Gaba Gaba to entertain her while I put my feet up for a few minutes (20 minutes, that show is only 20 minutes long!). And then the fun beginning stages of pregnancy where you just look like you've put on weight. Not fat, just pregnant. Then you feel the need to tell everyone you encounter that you are just pregnant "Thanks for your help with my groceries - FYI - I am just pregnant." While we are on the shape changing topic, the early belly bulge with baby number two is fun, too.

Please don't think ill of me... I am just tired of feeling ill. I am rounding the 14 week corner, so hopefully my wellness will improve as well as my attitude.

ps

I am finally under 200 days pregnant! Yay!

bun's a cookin' in the oven

Can you see him? Or maybe her? I consulted a Chinese Calendar Gender Predictor (well, four of them) and they all say it will be a girl. We'll see which one is correct in about eight weeks or so.

Anyway, first appointment with my midwife. Like her very much. The baby is the right size and has a strong, beating heart that we got to listen to. I think this was the first time I felt the connection.

it's a boy (well, maybe)

My mom bought us a pee in a cup test called Intelligender which supposedly tells you the gender of your fetus as early as 10 weeks gestation. Today is ten weeks so at 4:45 a.m., when I could no longer hold my bladder anymore (you MUST use first morning urine), I got up and peed in the cup, used the syringe to put 20ml's of pee into the crystal cup, swirled the solution and waited 10 minutes for a result. It turned my pee green which means a boy! The test is 90% accurate, so I'll be curious to see what the anatomy ultrasound shows us and what the end result is. In any case, it was fun to do this early on.

In the mean time, my other half has been throwing around boy names that are frightening me. I don't want to name my kid after a Twilight character or after Darth Vadar.

morning sickness

I thought I might get by without it, but mother nature is not going to be that kind to me. Our bathroom (clean), chicken and odors make me sick. I am told there are no odors, but I smell something and I want to vomit. I don't think I can handle Hadley's diapers for much longer. Uuuuughhhh... I don't like this part! AND, I actually turned away frozen yogurt, which is my favorite and it now sounds terrible!

showing already

I have always heard that second pregnancies show quickly, but I am at seven weeks and my belly has pouched even more than it was before (I've never had a spectacularly flat tummy). I am currently wearing my new B Band (thank you, Mom) with some shorts and finally feel somewhat comfy.

The first stages of pregnancy are not fun... your body is changing by the second. You feel fat. Your clothes don't fit the same. Nausia. Heart burn. Sleepiness. Moodiness. Seems to me, with the exception of occasional nausia and chronic heart burn, I felt much better at month four. Two more months to go.

I did yoga yesterday afternoon. I almost bailed for a needed nap, but am glad I went because it felt wonderful! Not only did I feel rejuvinated, I have a nice level of soreness today. Looking forward to going again.