Thursday, January 27, 2011

dear dad

Dear Dad,

Today marks the third anniversary of the last day we saw you. It seems just like yesterday that I saw you. I can still remember what your voice sounded like, what you smelled like and know exactly what you would say to me if I went to you for advice on something. You being gone is still unreal.

And this day has approached, now, three times and every time it does I think I'll sail right through it, but then it comes and I am reminded that I am not done mourning. That I will likely never be done mourning. But the wound, the "missing you" is still so fresh.

I remember the moment you died, I wanted to go with you. Not that I wanted to "die", but just to put some of my skeptisism to rest. To know that you weren't feeling alone when you passed, that you went somewhere beautiful, whether it be just in your imagination or if there really is an after-life. But I don't get to know that until it's my turn, and that scares me too. You're passing has made me think a lot about what happens next, despite my better notions.

This year we welcomed  your second granddaughter, Hayden Alexandra, to the world. She has your eyes, hair and sticks out her tongue in that goofy way you used to when you were concentrating. She has an old, yet playful, soul and I can't wait to see her little personality develop further as we enter into toddlerhood very soon.

Hadley is as beautiful as ever. Albeit stubborn, she's sharp as a tack and has the best personality. You would have enjoyed playing with her. She can identify your picture on my computer, which makes my heart jump. She should have known you. You should have known her.

We now live in the fridged air of Minnesota and really it is beautiful. But I now get why you kept a home in Las Vegas in addition to the one in Colorado... To warm your toes. While it's beautiful here, the winter is starting to feel tough and a trip to Maui to visit our old vacation stompin' grounds seem just the ticket. Likely wont happen, but one can dream.

Dad, in the 32 years I was able to be part of your life, good and bad, I learned so much. I think you'd be proud of the work I completed on your estate and now with Copeland Properties, as well as many other little things (like finally having a purpose for that small saw). I think of you, talk about you and miss you everyday. I strive to make you part of your granddaughters lives, even though you aren't physically here.

I love you!


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