Sunday, August 7, 2011

this world

The world seems like it's falling apart, at the moment. Between the stock market. The debt ceiling. Soldiers dying. Bombings. The S&P lowering our credit rating. These are scary times. Historic, as my other half reminds me.

But I'm scared. For my babies. And their futures.

Today I was thinking about what I would be feeling about all this unrest if I was single... Would I give it the same fear feelings as I do now? Or just see it as a low in our history? And likely, it would've been the latter of the two. But I have two little girls now who deserve the best and brightest future. And here we are... Falling apart at the seams.

Now, I know I am lucky on so many levels... I have an income. He has an income. Investments. No debt. We can pay for health insurance and a nice gym membership. We put food on the table and eat out far too much. We are healthy and happy.

Yet I worry. Do I need to be stocking up on water and canned foods in case everything crumbles around us? Or do I go on with my life, blissfully oblivious to what's going on?

Unfortunately, and maybe fortunately, I am not oblivious... It hurts my stomach. I want to curl up in a ball with my girls and cry. I want to move us to a far off island that no one knows about. Where we can play in the ocean and eat mangos, safe from all this strife. But then I think, is that really what I want? To hide?

Motherhood has certainly increased my worry-factor... I've been known to carry the weight of the world, needlessly, on my shoulders. But since babies, it may have gotten worse in that I worry about things I didn't worry as much about  before. I was never one to consider a stockpile in case of the end of the world, but I'm not going to lie, it's crossing my mind now.

However, on the flip side, having children and experiencing the loss of my father (all within the last three years) has also taught me to live in the moment. Stop worrying as much about what could happen and play and enjoy this now.

And while I practice "living in the now", now, I can't help but continue to worry... Especially when it seems like the world is falling apart.

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