i'm taking them back!

I think I have come to a calm decision to reclaim my boobs. That's right! I am taking them back after two and a half years of use by my children.

Now, the lactivists out there might be wondering "why?" And fair enough... I wanted to get to at least a year with Hayden, but she has started biting. And while she doesn't have teeth, the taffy motion and the clamp of her little gums are sending me over the roof, and two and a half months seems like an eternity with sore nipples.

Not to mention, she is suddenly so busy that nursing is no longer a calm effort. She's too busy looking around, singing while sucking, waving her hands and feet. It's an energy that I'm finding frustrating with a being attached to my nipple. Nothing productive is happening and we are a busy household with two kiddos.

So I've decided that the boobs are going to become mine again!

I'm looking forward to a pretty bra that doesn't have a flap that I forget to button up.

topless thursday: memories

Some of my favorite memories of the baby years with my daughters will be the times spent nursing. All the hard work at the beginning of their lives - the tears, cracked and bleeding nipples, several minutes spent trying to achieve the perfect latch - all worth it. Because in the end, I have the memories of their little eyes examining me while they eat. Or them snuggling next to me in a milk induced coma, falling off to sleep.

These are memories, even the rough ones, I will forever store in my heart. I am blessed that I was able to nurse and enjoy it.

topless thursday: comfort boob

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I stopped nursing Hadley when she was 15 months old. The weening process started at 12 months when I day weened her. At 15 months, I had to go to Minnesota to close on our house, so we used the opportunity to ween her completely. And it was a success.

But she hasn't given up on the boob completely...

For some reason, Hadley finds comfort in sticking her hand down my shirt and squeezing the inside of the boob. Sometimes when I am nursing Hayden, Hadley sticks her hand down my shirt. It's a little bit of a juggle, but it really doesn't bother me. But it does look a little funny to those who don't know us and we are meeting for the first time. Here I am holding my toddler and she is trying to show off my goods.

Sometimes she says "boobs" when she does it.

There have been two occasions (and I am certainly not making a habit of this) that she was so upset that I asked her if she wanted to touch my boobs. I get a hiccupy "yes" and her hand goes right down my shirt and she is suddenly all better.

I have to sometimes warn other ladies who hold her that they might get felt up.

It's her comfort boob.

What sort of habits do your kids have for comfort?

topless thursday: memories

I really didn't know how nursing would go for me. I almost threw in the towel with Hadley, especially after coming down with a wicked case of mastitis. Not to mention my cracked, bleeding nipples. It was rough. I'm not going to lie.

Then week three rolled around. I bought a nursing wrap. Nursed in public successfully. And we were off and running. And it was wonderful. Not only convenient (no need to tote a bottle), but when I'd look down and see her little eyes looking back at me. Or the day she put her hands in my hair as I was nursing her... Those were the moments that made the excruciating mastitis pain and bleeding nipples worth it all. Those are memories of her baby years I will hold in my heart always.

And now with Hayden I am creating the same memories. Things are not as convenient with her because I just don't have the time it takes to nurse her 100% of the time, so the bottle is in tow. But when I do nurse and she looks back at me, I fall in love over and over again. I'm creating memories with her too.

So, needless to say, nursing ended up being a wonderful, memorable thing for me. One I will miss, bittersweetly, once Hayden is done. But I am glad I was able to have those moments with both of my girls.

New mamma's out there... Hang in there. Breastfeeding can be tough. But all worth it in the long run.

topless thursday: public nursing

I've never been offended by public nursing, I just didn't know how I would be once I had a baby. Shoot, I wasn't sure that I would nurse, but I would give it a shot.

The first time I nursed in public was when Hadley was about four weeks old, at the Corte Madera Nordstroms. But I snuck into the ladies lounge. After we finished up, I found my Bebe Au Lait nursing wrap in the baby department. That opened the world up for me. With Hadley I was much more modest, so to have coverage made me quite comfortable. I nursed everywhere. Stores. Malls. Parks. Beaches. Airplanes. I even nursed Hadley through a lovely dinner at nice restaurant that probably didn't even have a high chair on more than one occasion.

Side track... While boarding a puddle jumper flight from Salt Lake City to Grand Junction, CO I was seated next to a transexual from Mississippi. She offered to hold Hadley while I got my seat belt on. She was very sweet, albeit a little awkward with her. Right before take off, I put on my nursing wrap and popped Hadley on the boob. The woman asked if Hadley liked being under the fabric. I commented, "she doesn't mind because she is getting fed." She blushed, then I realized that she didn't realize at first that I was nursing.

With Hayden I am not quite as modest with nursing. Maybe because I agreed to an audience while delivering her, therefor a little exposed nipple doesn't even phase me. I strolled downtown San Clemente with her on the boob and no supplemental coverage. Even made a purchase with her on the boob.

I've heard nursing moms comment about poor reactions to their public nursing. I've never noticed it and I probably wouldn't react to it. Nursing mommas, what has your experience been?


-- Post From My iPad

bottle maham

I remember when I was pregnant and preparing my registry for my upcoming baby shower I was completely overwhelmed. There are so many gadgets and do-dads that a mom's head can spin. But I remember the one thing that just about made my head spin off my neck was selecting bottles.

There are bottles that prevent gas. Bottles that for colic. Glass bottles. BPA free plastic bottles (which they all are, now). Bottles that fed the baby without your assistance. So many choices... What was a mom-to-be to do?

I planned (and did) to nurse, but thought I should be prepared in the event that didn't happen - immediately or ever. So I registered. I thought I wanted glass bottles, but I got the opinions on those. And I was in some agreement. Since plastics had all become BPA free, it made sense to venture down that road for when we get to the point that the baby could hold their own bottle. Finally, I settled on the basic, BPA free Evenflo bottle that didn't have any bells and whistles. At least big bucks weren't spent should it not be used OR it be the wrong bottle all together.

Then Hadley arrived. And while we did the nursing juggle the first couple of weeks, she was able to nurse. But these bottles... The no frills bottles fed her so much quicker that she preferred them over my boob, making nursing a bit of a challenge. But could you blame her? She's a hungry growing baby, who would want to work for food?

Off to Babies R Us I went... Again. In search of something else. Something that made her work for her food until we could make it work together. There I stood. With all my baby gear that I thought I had to have on me... Baby in the car seat, popped in the shopping cart. The hated diaper bag with enough diapers and wipes for a week, plus two changes of clothes (It was a ridiculous amount of stuff and I learned to minimize in the coming weeks). This nice woman with an older newborn saw that my new mommy head was about to spin again and offere

d her two cents. "Try the Born Free." Of course, they were the priciest of the bunch at $10 per bottle. But I grabbed the $50 starter pack and off to the counter I went to shell the cash out.

The same day, my mother arrived to help with Hadley. We went to Day One baby center, which was up the street from our house. It's one of those one stop shops... The sell clothes, strollers, toys, baby wearing gear, books. They offer lactation consulting,

baby care classes, and new mom groups. It's an awesome place (and pri

cey, too). There, my mother purchased a bottle that looked like a boob. Literally. It looked like a big ole boob. And that sucker was pricey, too. Like $14 or so.

So we went home with our wares and took them for a test drive. The boob leaked. Like my boobs were leaking, only worse. Which was a pisser considering it was so expensive. That boob found it's way into the trash can that evening. But the Born Free seemed to slow my ravenous child down.

We still use those Born Free bottles with sippy lids. They are the only cups that Hadley will drink milk from. She will use regular cups for juice and water, but milk must be in the Born Free's and nothing else can go into them.

With Hayden... Well, nursing is a different struggle. The lactation consultant recommended that we use First Years Breastflow bottles. These bottles are $5 or so a bottle ($12 for a three pack) and are awesome for a baby you are trying to teach to nurse. Maybe more awesome than the Born Free's. Basically, there are two nipple chambers that the baby has to suck the milk through, replicating what it is to nurse. The feeds take some time because the babies have to work, but considering I am trying to get her onto the boob I feel like she isn't getting used to a quick flow.

When moms-to-be ask my opinion on bottles I recommend the following... Wait till the baby is here! Figure out if they will nurse. If they are gassy. Don't spend a lot of money on bottles until you are sure you know the kind of eater your child is. And don't let the process make you lose your head... Your baby will eat, whether its from your boob, or a Born Free, or Breastflow, or Dr. Browns, or Evenflo. It will all work out.

game plan

We took Hayden to her 2-4 week well baby appointment yesterday and the doctor is happy with her weight gain, albeit she is still little.

Today we went back to the lactation consultant and I was pumped because it seemed Hayden was nursing successfully, mainly because I would feed when I was completely full and could feel my breasts lightening. But it didn't work that way at the lactation consultant's office. No. She consumed .1 ounces in 45 minutes. Probably because she was wanting to sleep instead of eat. But it left me deflated.

The lactation consultant kindly lent me a scale to take home to do pre and post feed weigh ins to see if those successful feeds were in fact successes. My fingers are crossed that it will show that she is nursing and just needs to practice. But if we don't see this happen by Friday, Jonathan and I decided that we would go to 100% formula and let me dry up.

I'm sad at this thought. But pumping eight times a day is taxing. And being frustrated is even more taxing. So I must relent...

Hadley quip

While I was pumping my boobs this morning, Hadley was enjoying her cup of milk. She tapped her cup against one of the pump bottles and said "Cheers!"

Then she said, "The mama, the pump."

Exactly... I'm one with the pump.


-- Post From My iPad

another nursing post

Nursing is consuming my life right now... It did with Hadley, but not like this.  

It seems that Hayden isn't transferring milk properly from my breast - a suspected symptom of simply being three weeks early.  Unfortunately, all of those nursing sessions that I wondered were successful, weren't.  In fact, it has resulted in her not gaining weight as quickly as she should, but also let to the discovery that she may have reflux - a common newborn ailment.

I started to think the other day, and posed the question to our wonderful lactation consultant, Jennifer Ritchie at Milkalicious in Aliso Viejo - What did people do before there were bottles?  I knew the answer, but to hear someone else say it, especially since my child requires a bottle to thrive, brought tears to my eyes... They would die. Trust me, I am a "breast is best" kind of gal, but I am cheering for the invention of bottles.  

Anyway...

Our new plan of attack is to pump and bottlefeed this next week to beef up Hayden.  Then, next week we will reintroduce the boob.  Fingers crossed this works!

nursing pad fun

Hadley climbed into the bed with me this morning.  Promptly put her hand down my shirt to make sure my boobs were still there and pulled out my nursing pad.  Which was soaked.  Need to be sure to monitor that one in public because that could be really embarrassing.

On a happier note, with some settle first with a few drags off of a bottle, Hayden's last two feeds during the night were on the boob.  I slept really well for the first time in days!  I hope we are turning a corner here.  I did give her a bottle this morning to tank her up, which I am just fine doing.  I just want her to take from the tap also!

getting close

Hayden is nursing, which is good.  But we are suspicious that she is only getting fore milk and not the hind milk she really needs.  So, we have another appointment with the lactation consultant for tomorrow as a final effort.  

I am so exhausted that I reintroduced formula supplement mixed in with her breast milk to attempt to fill her little tummy.  I've also cut out nuts, cows milk, chocolate and caffeine to attempt to resolve her gas issues.  She seems much more content today, even though I am struggling with giving her formula.

So, we'll see where we get tomorrow.  Bottom line, I need to sleep and shake my migraine.

Wish us luck!

frustration

It's official... I've hit that third week frustration.  I remember it well with Hadley... The tears. Threats to throw in the towel on nursing. Feelings of being a bad mommy.  But I also remember things suddenly getting better, and I hope that is the same case.

Hayden and I are on and off with nursing success.  The nipple shield is working.  But the supplemental nursing system I paid $35 for is proving to be more trouble than it's worth (and I doubt they will take it back after it has been pressed against my boob).  

But our biggest challenge is finding the right timing.  Between a curious big sister and her activities, a house with no doors that latch or lock properly, it is almost impossible to find alone time with the babe to relax and try to nurse properly.  Instead, I find myself with a very angry newborn, boobs leaking to my knees, Hadley hanging on to my legs and me in tears, trying to heat a bottle of breast milk to soothe Hayden.  Frustrating is the only word I can think of.

Tonight, Jonathan and I decided that I need to take Hayden to a hotel and nurse. And nurse. And nurse. And nurse.  I hope it's a success. And I hope this family, as a whole, gets some good sleep tonight.  We are all a little rough around the edges.

ahhhh... success (for now)

Hayden and I started nursing with a bang, But then it went down hill. I got some help yesterday and the result is positive. At least for now.